I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
