Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
