Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
