she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
