I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
