so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize