Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
