He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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