ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I supernannyed him into submission
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
