Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
