she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize