wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone