the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
i know! what is this dateline?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
These 23 People Had Coworkers From Hell
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.