is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.