I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line