I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break