I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Also, beer. Big fan.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
