i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
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I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
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Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.