I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?