Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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