Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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