and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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