I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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