are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
