so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
