i'm signing you up for texting rehab
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Less talking, more tequila
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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