Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
