I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
