barbara walters just said penis...
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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