I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
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why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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