I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
