you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Who died my cat blue again?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
