Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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