on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
