used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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