Betty ford says i'm here all night
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
