You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
