i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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