Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
