i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
