1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize
