which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
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I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
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Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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