Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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