I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
