Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
