I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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