I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
