I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
