So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
