Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
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