She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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