woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
you have to choose: penises or morals?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
