Rock
Scissors
Fuck
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Randomize
