Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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