i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
