remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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