I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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