Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
