i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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