drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Randomize
