He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
