His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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