I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Well I just put wine in my tea
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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