I could have mohawked her pubes.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
