Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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