what day is it and did you see me today?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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