if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
